Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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