We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
