I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will be naked everywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
