we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize