Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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