if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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