He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
