at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
