Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
