dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize