Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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