I could make wine with my vomit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She bit a glass in half.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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