dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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