someone threw a dead crab at me
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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