I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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