Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
