i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
