wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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