Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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