I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
