You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
