Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
