I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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