Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
