Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
