I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
