I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
