everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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