Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
