well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
