I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
