I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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