well you can't waste a boner
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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