dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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