May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
