The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
