I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
