if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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