What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize