I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
