I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize