Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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