I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love having hate sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
