I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
