Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
