What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
