I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize