I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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