If i come over, it means nothing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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