I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
