his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
