My first STD was from a foam party
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
