put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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