it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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