I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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