I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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