is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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