Duck Duck Cougar?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize