there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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