I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said her name was "party"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
