I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
