Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My ass is underappreciated
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
