i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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