I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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