So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
