guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
