90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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